When I Grow Up I Want to Be…

As I child, I had a lot of aspirations to be something great. My mind was forever changing, one day I wanted to be a police officer, the next the President of the United States. No matter what profession I dreamed of becoming a part of, there was always a pattern. Every single job; firefighter, baseball player, princess, president, nurse, vet, police officer, designer, etc, every… single… job, has one MAJOR thing in common. Can you guess it? Every single one of them, to me, was a possibility. I never looked at something and thought to myself, “Well I could never be that, that’s not possible for me.” For that I have my parents to thank.

I grew up in a home where I was very fortunate to have two loving caring parents who from the day I was born told me to follow my dreams and be whomever I wanted to be. Sounds like the start to a Disney movie, I know. They instilled the idea of hope and possibility. My first job aspiration was to be the first female president. Now that I’m older I realize how un-fit for the presidency I would be, but as a kid, I wanted to be her. I wanted to be Madam President. I wanted to live in the White House with my First Husband (the male equivalent of the First Lady, not that I planned on divorcing and re-marrying). I was going to run around the grand hallways naked all day long, a weird yet equally important aspiration to my 4 year old self, and paint everything pink, also a phase that I am glad to have grown out of. I was going to create world peace and spread love and laughter. I was going to be amazing.

I was going to be a baseball player. As a kid I would throw around the ball with my dad and feel as though I was ripping my arm right out of its socket. Proud was just the beginning of how I felt every time the ball left my fingertips. I was the best baseball player there was. I felt as though my 90 mile and hour fastball was my sure fire ticket onto the SF Giants. There was no way I wouldn’t be the first female MLB player… I just had one problem… I couldn’t hit… or catch.

I was going to be a princess. Dresses? Pink? (again, just a phase! phew!) Sparkles? Ponies? (Remember I’m in my dreams.) A castle? Sign me up! However, I realized that princesses are supposed to be proper, whereas I giggled anytime someone passed gas or burped. Princesses are supposed to be clean, and yet I enjoyed running through puddles and mud. Princesses are supposed to marry the prince, and I always rooted for the common man, the peasant, the baker, the everyman, the underdog. 

I was going to be a witch. Yes there was a time in my life, around the age of 6 when I found a huge obsession with the ideas of spells, black cats, and cloaks. My love for halloween and the realization that my super curly crazy hair was that out of a storybook led me to feel like the part was made for me. I wanted to be a witch. However, for the first time, I stopped and thought about it. Witches are not real. I can not be a witch. That was the day I realized there were limitations to my aspirations… or so I thought.

Years go by and I loose interest in discovering what and who I want to be. I live in the moment and work on school, soccer, friendships, earning money (chore money), etc. I was happy. Then as I start middle school a P.E. teacher of mine asked if I wanted to help record the school play. Agreeing out of interest in not having to run another mile, I signed up. That was the day my faith was restored. I just didn’t know it at the time.

I met with my teacher after school along with another girl from my P.E. class. My teacher taught us all about how to work the video cameras and how to reset the tapes. He told us that we cant talk while recording because the microphones will pick up our every movement and murmur. It all just came naturally to me, and since my older brother was in the band for the play, I felt as thought this was finally my opportunity to get involved with something greater than just me. I was going to be working alongside my brother, my idol. 

The show passed and so did many more to come, each and every one I volunteered to record and edited the videos together. I was slowly but surely fell in love. Let me be perfectly clear, this love was not what I thought I would have to show for a first love, and yet it was just that. I was in love with film. I loved the idea that every single story and moment was captured forever on some tiny tape, yes tape, that’s how old I was. That’s when I realized something I never had before. Memories of my 6 year old self wanting to be, but realizing I could never be a witch came screaming back to me. I could be a witch. I could be president. I could be a police office, a baseball player, a princess, and a restaurant owner. I could be anything I wanted to be. Art, film, storytelling, it’s all a way to capture the best, worst, most creative, most inspiring, or insightful parts of life. It opened my eyes and allowed me to express myself and be anything and anyone I wished to be. I could be that firefighter. I could play the damsel in distress, or the warrior. I could be and do anything I wanted. Once again I was free. 

As I child, I had a lot of aspirations to be something great.

As an adult, I have a lot of aspirations to be something greater. 

When I grow up, I want to be . . . simply me.